


Faya kom Skai

by Endor



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon before season 3, Clarke's voyage, F/M, Minor characters POWs, Post Season 2, Very slow burn Bellarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 00:08:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4079113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endor/pseuds/Endor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was an ancient song once, that told the tale of a soldier who ran so fast from his destiny only to meet it in a place far far away, a place that he would have never reached had he not run from it. </p>
<p>Clarke felt the same way. Would she be here, now, with an even heavier weight on her shoulders, had she not run from Camp Jaha before?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed, English is not my first language, sorry for all the mistakes, but this story wants to be narrated and won’t leave me alone even if I’m not capable of writing it as it deserves. So I’m trying anyway.

 

 

She had lied to Bellamy.  
Clarke knew perfectly where she wanted to go, but telling him wasn’t an option. 

 

When Bellamy had told her how Octavia had come into his life, that night at the supply depot, Clarke had felt rage for this mother who had chosen to have a second illegal child and immediately dumped the responsibility on a seven year old boy. Bellamy’s words – my sister, my responsibility – tore at her like a personal offense. She had know only recently what such weight could mean, and having had it since childhood, let’s say had changed completely the way she looked at Bellamy. She had vowed to never do something like that, and yet here she was, forcing him to take care of their people because she was too much of a coward to do it. And knowing he wouldn’t bail.

The need to flee from them – from him – was so strong that Clarke really had no idea what she was doing until night fell and she was shaken out of her daze by the coldness of the air. She wasn’t really surprised to find herself near the dropship, muscle memory having taken her to the only really familiar place on this strange planet.  
The dropship had been stripped clean of any usable object many days ago, her people too much in need of anything salvaged from the station.  
She couldn’t stay here though, it would be the first place where they would look for her. Would they? Clarke didn’t know if she feared more being sought after, or being left alone. Would they leave her alone because they respected her choice, or because they didn’t want anything to do with her anymore? 

She needed ammunition and supplies, and the only place to get them was Mount Weather, but she had to be fast and be there before the clean-up team from Camp Jaha. The idea both revolted her and satisfied the masochistic part than wanted to punish herself, seeing again what she had done. Soon the bodies would be buried, supplies taken, and probably a small team of techs would take over the hydroponic cultures. No sense in wasting a system that had kept people alive for 97 years. The turbines of the dam could be rebuilt somehow, Raven would know, and they could have electricity for all the camp and – no, no no no no – She was doing it again. Programming the life of others. It was not her place anymore, why couldn’t she learn? 

That was the last thought before exhaustion, finally, took over.

 

…

 

Indra was scared.  
The skaikru were back at their camp, their losses minimal, as her watchers had reported. Bellamy and Clarke were spotted respectively at the head and at the tail of the group of their people, apparently unharmed. They didn’t know the exact condition of the Mountain Men since they were forbidden to go near there, but their at distance recon mission had revealed that the steel doors were wide open.  
If recent history had taught them something, they were all dead.  
And now, at the very entrance of her village, stood Clarke of the Skaikru.

 

…

 

Clarke wasn’t sure what the best approach to Lincoln’s village would be – if there were any – but since the first looks she received were a mix of fear an awe, she decided to walk in there like she owned the place. Hell, she was pretty sure they knew or had at least put together what happened, she was surely considered the worst killer of all history, might as well use it to her advantage.

“I’m here to see the reapers” she threw at Indra while passing. The woman was evidently torn between killing her on the spot and thanking her, a welcomed change if you asked Clarke.

Nyko welcomed Clarke, her supplies and the shock batons with a whispered prayer, and they set to work immediately. She had correctly guessed that Lexa would have left the reapers in the nearest village and in the care of the only healer that had witnessed the process of detoxification, but was surprised to find that two other healers had been left behind too. 

The Mountain Men had had a well stowed pharmacy, with plenty of sedatives among other things. According to her mother they were the only chance at helping the reapers through the rapid detox process they were forced into, with the shock batons doubling as improvised defibrillators. According to her mother as well, those would save less than half the reapers, maybe a third. Lincoln had been exposed to the drugs only for a few days, while most reapers had been exposed to it for a long time and were not as young and strong anymore.  
She spent all night tending to men with drug withdrawal symptoms , which started with vomiting and ended far, far worse.

 

…

 

“What are you doing here?” was Indra’s good morning the following day. 

Clarke thought back to that day at the supply depot, when before leaving Bellamy had asked her “Why are YOU asking ME” and her answer had been “Because right now I don't feel like being around anyone I actually like”. He had snorted then, his version of a laugh, because he understood the need to be, for a few fucking hours, not a leader or a protector or a role model for all the people she cared about, but just a person, egoist and unpleasant and surly and mopey if she felt like it. 

When she turned around to give Indra her answer, she was surprised to find the woman watching one of the reapers with a mix of tenderness and sadness, two emotions that Clarke had believed her incapable of. “Right now, you could be safe and happy with your people, instead you are here, alone, tending to the people who betrayed you” she whispered, turning slowly toward Clarke with a genuinely puzzled expression.

At the end of that trip, she could no longer count Bellamy between the people she didn’t like. Clarke couldn’t afford that to happen now. Time to give them the carefully arranged speech she had prepared for the occasion.  
“I’m here because I am a healer, and because I keep my word. I said that we’d help you heal the reapers, and Lexa’s betrayal isn’t enough to make me abandon them.” and with twisted satisfaction and raised voice, she added “Sky People may make mistakes, but they don’t betray”. 

 

The last gift to her people, she hoped, was to make the grounders fear and respect them. Even if she had to preach her way through every village from here to Polis.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place at the same time of chapter one.

 

 

Jasper charging toward him like a bull is the welcome Bellamy gets after barely stepping back into the gates.  
“Coward! She’s a coward! That’s it? She kills everyone and then she walks toward the sunset in a blast of glory? She killed MY Maya! She doesn’t even know what it means, she’s got all of HER people safe, screw the others – 

Bellamy tried to stop his tirade by grabbing Jasper by the shoulders and shaking him, but it served only to fuel him more. “She doesn’t understand!! She doesn’t know what it means to lose, to lose -”

“So having to kill Finn with her own hands to avoid having him tortured to death didn’t teach Clarke what it means losing the person you love?”

Bellamy’s shout attracted the attention of all the teens still gathered at the entrance of the camp. Not the best way to give the news, but at least now Jasper was shocked into silence.

The punch was surprising strong if sloppy, and exactly what Bellamy wanted. Jasper continued throwing punches at his chest , weaker and weaker, until Bellamy was able to embrace him. Only then, finally, he started crying.

“Listen to me, everyone. We did what we had to do in order to bring you all back, from the moment you were taken to today. Yes, we killed all the Mountain Men. It was a decision Clarke and I made together, there is no one else to blame. If you have a problem with that, well, there’s the gate, suit yourself.”

The implications were not lost on anyone.

 

….

 

“Blake?”  
When he had taken refuge in his old cell he had known that the only person seeking him there would be Kane, if need arose. He had just hoped it would be hours from now. No such luck. He dragged himself up from his sitting position in the corner and turned to salute him, finding himself instead face to face with Abby Griffin. 

“Is it true? That you pulled the switch together with Clarke?”  
Bellamy was confused: between all that had happened, Clarke’s mother would latch onto such a fact? So his “I did” was more a question than an answer.

She visibly deflated, leaning back into Kane, and making Bellamy even more puzzled. “Aren’t you here to ask me why Clarke left or why I let her go?”

The assumption on her intentions seemed to briefly sparkle the usual acidity towards him, but it was brief, and considering what Clarke’s mother had gone through mere 14 hours ago she probably didn’t have the strength to fight with him even if she wanted. When she spoke again, after a while, her tone was more resigned than anything else. 

“I’ve learned enough about the woman my daughter has become to know that no one could have stopped her. I’ve been chancellor for a lot less time than you and Clarke have been leaders of these teens, and I know how many times I’ve wanted to run. At least now I know she is not suicidal”

The absurdity of the thought caught Bellamy so much by surprise that he surely sounded more aggressive than he intended. “Why would you assume THAT?”

“I thought she had to do it all alone -” was Abby’s feeble response. “ like the fire at the dropship, like with the Finn boy… I was afraid this was the last straw. But if you were with her, at least this one is not all on her shoulders…”

Bellamy had thought a lot about those moments in the control room, during the 8 hours walk back to camp Jaha. About Dante’s execution. About Clarke’s plea to give her another solution instead of just saying no, a plea he wasn’t able to answer. 

“I’m not sure about that. She would have pulled that lever anyway. Clarke knew it and I did too. I – I just wanted to try and get some of that burden off her. If I had managed it she wouldn’t have left”

His defeated tone surprised Abby, who had never thought about Bellamy as someone in need of reassuring words instead of the strong and grating young man his daughter had put all of her faith in. “I don’t think so. She didn’t leave just because she hates what she had to do. I have to believe Clarke left because she knows she’d do it all again, and right now doesn’t want to find herself in that situation anymore”

Bellamy took a shaking breath. “And until she’s with us, she’s sure such decision would be put on her again. See, I’m right, I didn’t help her at all”

“No, Bellamy.” Kane’s interjection was almost a surprise, since he’d just been quietly watching Abby and Bellamy’s interaction. “ You showed her – and us – that you are capable of taking the very same decisions if needed, and that’s what gave her the strength to go. To take time for herself while being sure that her people are safe with you.”

 

….

 

The talk with Abby and Kane had somewhat cleared Bellamy’s mind and allowed him to rationalize Clarke’s choices.

He had thought about Clarke’s choked up admission " - seeing their faces everyday is just gonna remind me what I did to get them here - " as the very first time she had been thinking about herself and her needs.  
Bellamy was brought back to the night HE had broken down, finally admitting his own fears and his will to run away, and had hoped to be able to give Clarke the comfort and reassurances she had given him.  
He had truly believed that reminding her she didn’t need to do this alone and giving her forgiveness would be sufficient. She had just walked away instead, leaving him to take care of a bunch of traumatized teens who expected answers, protection, and a steady leadership. A leadership he had hoped to share.

But Abby was right, things for Clarke were much more complicated. The dropship, Mount Weather, TonDC – her own culling. 

His mind and his feelings where truly at odds.  
Bellamy understood the clinical reasons behind Clarke’s actions, and couldn’t find a single fault in them. They were the choices of a leader who looked at the big picture, not at the single person, something he still wasn’t able to do.  
As part of those choices, she left HIS Octavia to die. After that, he was not surprised that Clarke couldn’t really look him in the eye and stay by his side. Truly, he wasn’t sure to be able to forgive THAT.  
He understood that she had to leave to avoid pain both on her side and theirs, and to a certain level, he was grateful for it.  
That didn’t mean that Bellamy wasn’t deeply worried about Clarke’s wellbeing, and didn’t miss her already.  
He didn’t know how to reconcile these two things.

But what was truly gnawing at him was her "I bear it so they don't have to". Was it truly meant just like Dante’s? He’d awaited death alone, refusing to be part of his people’s final happiness because of the monstrous choices he took to obtain it. 

He knew Clarke enough to know that she wasn’t suicidal, no matter how strong her guilt was, or he wouldn’t have let her go. But still. It was the way she had watched at their people and steeled herself like in the command room, like she was taking a decision for all of them, not just herself. It was the calculating look and the hesitation on her “I don’t know” when he asked where she was going.

Clarke wasn’t just running away, she had a destination in mind, sadly one he wasn’t able to figure out.


End file.
